A week ago, I was at a meeting where I heard a testimony that had a lasting impact on me. What God did was beyond amazing but this lady’s mindset and resolve really did blow my mind. I knew I had to write about it.
This is the testimony of a 53 year old lady who has never been married. She had become the scorn and object of ridicule by her family and those around her. She had been called names and her faith and walk with God had been questioned because she was unmarried at 53. She confessed that she honestly didn’t think she was ever going to get married. She didn’t think there was any hope for her. What were her chances at 53 anyway? She just kept serving God and doing the work He had called her to do.
Then one day, she received a word from God that she would indeed get married (during a previous edition of the meeting she was testifying in). She held on to the promise and then boom! Suitors everywhere! She had about 6 people trying to marry her. She went from being the woman no man ever said “hello” to, to being spoilt for choice. I imagine that it must have felt so surreal! Talk about “when the Lord turned the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dreamed”!
I wasn’t ready for the next part of her testimony. I had imagined that she simply chose the man she liked the most and agreed to marry him. This was far from the case though. She accounted that for every one of those men that came her way, she went to God and asked if they were His will for her. She said she knew the assignment God has given her to fulfill and she couldn’t jeopardise that calling by marrying the wrong man. She said if God said no, she would quickly move on. I was in my chair thinking “wow!” At 53, with all the ridicule and name-calling she had experienced, she still wasn’t under pressure to settle for less than God’s best!
We live in a world and particularly a culture where people say a lady’s chances of marrying her choice starts to diminish once she hits 30. At that age, the available starts to become the desirable, they say. If we’re honest, this mindset is what puts pressure on most of us. The pressure doesn’t even start at 30. Okay, let me speak for myself. The pressure for me probably started just before I turned 25! I just dreaded hitting 30 and not being married. This pressure was what led me to keep falling in and out of relationships, getting into so much drama, getting engaged to someone that should have never made it past hello, compromising my values and just being in a race that I had no business being in. I’m thankful that God eventually got my attention and put me back on course but honestly I went too far away from God’s plan for my life all because of pressure!
Let me just put it out there that the idea that a woman’s chances of marrying God’s best starts to diminish at 30 is a big fat lie. If you’re 30 and over reading this, I pray that you don’t buy this lie. People unwittingly say “oh her choices are limited when she hits that age”. Let me agree with them for a minute. Truth is, you’re not going to marry 10 men. You don’t need 10 men on your case. You just need “the one”. The right one. The one that God has prepared for you! Your husband is limited edition so having limited options is great! Who cares about limited options when the very one that God has prepared is right there?
One of the things that discovering your life’s purpose does for you, is to filter your options. You know that you cannot afford to marry someone that will be an inconvenience to your calling. Actually, purpose limits your options. It’s not because you’re not pretty enough or because you’ve hit a certain age. It’s because very few people can fit into God’s purpose for your life and support the call on your life. By “call”, I’m referring to whatever it is that God has called you to do.
There are things I know God has called me to do, stories of my life’s journey that He has called me to share that I cannot do and share without the backing of my husband. It would have been a disaster if I’d married a man who would not like the idea of what I’m called to do. Imagine the daily struggle I would have to go through. The lives that God has called me to touch are hinged on me marrying right! When I think of how many times I almost missed it, I shudder in gratitude to God for His redeeming love!
Sister, this isn’t a feel-good write up. This is what God taught me after I had tried so many times and failed to keep a relationship. It worked for me. It turned out that God had it all figured out. It looked like I was blowing up all my relationships and losing my options but God didn’t care about my options. He already had “the one” waiting for me.
Next time you hear someone talking about how ladies a certain age have limited options, do me a favour and ask them “Who cares about the options when The One has already been prepared?”
You never have to succumb to pressure. I know it gets hard when it feels like it’s just you left. At such times, read this post again, take a break from social media, focus on living life to the fullest, on loving and serving God and on discovering and walking in God’s purpose for your life. You never have to force the available to become the desirable. Remember that the marital decision is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life. God’s best is worth the wait! Marrying wrongly will leave you lonelier than you ever felt in your single life. Even when the options come, seek God’s counsel. Don’t be under pressure to jump at the first man that says hello. Let God lead you still. God loves you and He wants the very best for you.
I pray for anyone reading this that may be feeling alone and pressured. Maybe the pressure has caused you to be envious of others and you’ve lost your ability to rejoice when others are getting married. Maybe it’s caused to you constantly compare your life with others and wonder why your case has to be so different. I pray in the name of Jesus that the Lord reveals His heart for you, to you. That He calms you with His love and peace. That He brings you to a place of satisfaction in Him. That He speaks to you about His beautiful plans and purpose for your life and that you begin to run with it till you’re lost in it. And that in the most awesome, wonderful and awe-inspiring way, He brings you His very best for your life! I will read your testimony in Jesus name!
By the way, the 53 year old lady is now engaged to the love of her life and they’re currently planning their wedding.
God is ever faithful!