Let me tell you about this “shade” that changed my life for good. Of course, when this coded insult was hurled at me, it hurt really bad. It felt like a stinging, hot slap at the time but when I look back at how the events of my life unfolded afterwards, I’m actually thankful for that “shade”!
If you know me or have followed my story for a while, then you already know about my relationship history, but for the benefit of someone who may be reading from me for the first time, I’ll just give you a quick background.
At some point in my life, I was beginning to be known for failed relationships. I just kept moving from one relationship to the other, each time hoping I’d found “the one”. You see, my sense of self worth was so hinged on my relationship status that I just always had to be in a relationship. Not being in a relationship often left me feeling scared, paranoid and insecure. There were root causes but I can’t go into those right now.
Now that you have a little background, let’s move on to this “insult gist”. Now, I had been dating this man for almost a year. The truth is, I wasn’t emotionally whole when I got into the relationship with him. I was so insecure and emotionally dependent that I relied on him to heal the pain I had been nursing from a previous relationship. Because of this, I ignored a few red flags and warning signs that I saw at the start of the relationship. It wasn’t long till my eyes got opened and it became quite clear that I needed to end the relationship.
Here’s the thing though. I was about to repeat the same mistake I’d been making all my life! I only really found the courage to end this relationship because I’d found another man! I just couldn’t be by myself.
Somehow, this man whose heart I was breaking had found out that I was already “loving” someone else. Because he already knew my relationship history and with all the bitterness he felt towards me, he looked at me and sarcastically said “Tosin, I pray that this new guy isn’t just another number in your life” (In other words, you just keep moving from man to man) Ouch! That was a sucker punch.
That stung! It hit me hard. It got me thinking. It brought me to a new level of awareness. It helped me realise that I had a problem that I needed to deal with. It was hard to admit but it was true. I really was hopping from relationship to relationship. There was no lie in that shade. It was when I truly accepted that this man had a solid point that I got to a turning point in my love life.
It was then that I started to sort through my life and got deliberate about breaking free from the negative cycle of failed relationships that I’d somehow got myself into.
I don’t know what insults have been thrown at you in your love journey, and I know it hurts bad. I have a question for you though. Is it possible that there’s some fact, some truth in what has been said to you that you can draw on to begin to change your life’s narrative?
Sometimes, it’s not the other person. The negative cycles we find ourselves in are often proof that we need to fix stuff in our lives. Sometimes, we have issues to deal with – deep issues that have been left unresolved for so long. I want you to take some time to ponder on your experiences. I’m not asking you to believe any negative words that have been spoken over you. Absolutely not! But sometimes, the truth that will liberate us can come in unpleasant forms. I just want you to grab whatever truth you can and then decide that like me, rather than let it break you, you will let it change you – for good!
I designed a very quick tool that will help you get on the path to breaking free from the cycle of failed/broken relationships. It’s called “5 Reasons Your Relationships Aren’t Working Out”. Click HERE to download the resource.
Believe me, your best is on the way!