Lost (Return Series – I)

Sometimes, in our love walk with the Lord, we can veer off path and get lost – really lost.

One time, you were totally sold out to Jesus, recklessly in love with Him. Nothing could get in the way of your love for him and the intimacy you shared with Him. He was your go-to guy. You laughed together, cried together, made decisions together and basically were inseparable. You sought his heart and face every day, wanting nothing more than to please Him. You had the sweetest relationship with the Father, a relationship so sweet, it made the devil mad. You served Him with all your heart and you were all about His business. You were at every church service, every choir rehearsal, every worship concert and every conference.

Then, some way, somehow, you began to slip. You’re not exactly sure how it all started. You just know that one day, you woke up and things had changed. You got distracted. You got carried away. You shifted your gaze and your focus for a moment and then you began to lose your way.

As you wandered farther and farther away from the Father, your love for him started to grow cold. Your relationship with Him was replaced by a relationship with a stranger. It was his charm; his smile, maybe, or his talent. He could have been drop dead gorgeous with the smoothest lines you’d ever heard. Maybe he was witty, funny, caring, and doted on you. To cap it all up, this stranger loved you and wanted to be with you. You were smitten, and you fell hard for him.

It was exciting at first, this new relationship. It started off as an adventurous ride – an adventure that was all new to you. It was hot, passionate, raw, romantic love. It was like nothing you’d ever known or experienced. Even though he professed to share your faith, you knew it was only a shadow, a mere caricature of the faith you truly held dear. Still, your love for him was too deep for his lack of faith to be a problem. Maybe somewhere down the road, you would be able to win him over and together, you would love your First Love and serve Him. This way, you would have even added a new soul to the kingdom. You had this love story figured out in your head.

Only, as the weeks rolled into months and maybe years, you realized that he was the one winning you over to the other side. You woke up one morning and it was a different “you”. You had never imagined that you would have sex outside of marriage, let alone have an abortion. You had never imagined being in a gathering that had more smoke coming out of people’s mouths than a chimney let alone hold a stick of cigarette to your own lips. You had always thought “weed” was something related to plants until you discovered for yourself that it wasn’t just a plant. It was in this relationship that you had your first taste of alcohol. It was in this relationship that lying became a habit for you. It was when you got here that you could no longer control your temper and your tongue. It was in this relationship that you saw yourself disrespecting your parents and other authorities in your life. It was in this place that you lost every form of discipline. It was on the soil of this relationship that you saw yourself transform from “this person” to “that person”

For a moment, you wondered if you could somehow strike a balance – have a thriving relationship with your First Love without letting go of this wild love that has redefined you. But, it doesn’t take too long for you to see that it’s either one or the other. You can’t have both.

Oh, and you know all too well, the love of the Father. It will track you down, chase you down, hound you, bug you till you come running back. You know that there’s no mountain His love won’t climb, no deep pit His love won’t go into, just to get you back.

Then, you begin to feel it – this tug on your heart, this knowing that you were never supposed to be here, this feeling that you have gone too far from the Father’s plan for your life, this feeling of disgust at the fact that you cannot recognize who you have allowed yourself to become. You’re tired because you’re keeping up appearances. You’re not really who you make yourself out to be. You’re one way in public and another way in private. It’s almost like you have a dual personality, singing the Father’s praises one minute and uttering profane words the next; dancing for His glory one moment and yielding your body to fulfill crazy desires the next.

Gradually, your heart begins to break. It breaks for the person you once were, the intimate bond you once shared with your First Love, the peace you enjoyed with Him, the clarity and certainty of the future you had with Him by your side. You begin to miss and long for His presence again. You begin to dread going back to the relationship that has taken away so much from you and who you are. You just want to be whole again, to start over, and to run into the arms of your loving Father and never look back.

You’re just not sure where to start from. How do you even let go of this stranger? How do you tell him (or her) it’s over? Will it even make sense to him? Can you somehow drag him along with you on your return to your First Love? You really do know you should let go, you just don’t know how…

Loved one, I know all too well, what it means to veer off course, to take off with a stranger and live in the shadow of who I really am. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut – in a relationship, “situationship”, habit, addiction or whatever else, or if you know someone who is, then please look out for my next posts. I’ll share with you, a story of my return trip to my First Love, as well as lessons that I learnt on the way. I believe that they will be useful to you as you work through your own journey. But first, let me congratulate you because you’re almost there! You’ve realized that it’s time to find your way home and God, your First Love is more than willing to help you as you make this decision to turn from that relationship, habit, situation or addiction that has held you back for so long.

Please, be sure to click subscribe to join my mailing list so that you can be notified once I upload the next posts. I am praying for you with all my heart. I believe that you are free indeed and that you win on this journey!